malexfaith

Chapter 18

“When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?”

-Tori Amos-

The team prepared themselves for the raid. Morgan provided them useful information he got from one of the Rodgers’ old friends. The young man told them that Rodgers’ grandfather had left him an old barn about ten miles from where the victims were found. It was a secluded place – people passing by wouldn’t notice it if they didn’t know it was there. Garcia located it in less than five minutes.

“I hope she’s still alive,” Morgan said grimly to Emily, who was busy fastening her Kevlar. He was still trying to make amends to Emily for being so harsh towards her earlier, keep trying to make small conversations with her.

“She is,” Emily replied without thinking. She raised her head and looked at Morgan right in the eyes. “She’d better be.” She turned her back and left. She wasn’t in the least angry with Morgan – not anymore. She just didn’t want to think of the possibility of the child being dead. She needed her to be alive; for the kid’s family, for Marcus, and – even though she didn’t want to admit it, for herself. If she were to resign after the case, she wanted to go leaving a smile on Marcus Wilson’s face.

“Emily,” JJ called her as she was walking out of the front door. Emily turned and her eyes widened when she saw JJ wearing a Kevlar. “Wait up,” The blonde said. She walked towards Emily, who obediently waited by the door. As she reached the brunette, JJ asked worriedly, “You okay?”

The older woman held back a cynical retort before she could say it. She knew JJ would not appreciate her being a bitch now. “Yeah, why?” She asked instead.

JJ shrugged. “You look so serious,” she replied. It wasn’t that, but she didn’t want to push Emily. The last thing they both needed then was for Emily to snap again before the raid.

Emily sighed. “We’re going to raid the Unsub’s place, JJ. Of course I look serious,” was her reply. They both walked side by side to where the cars were parked. “I don’t know what I will do if Maeghan isn’t alive,” Emily finally said. Her voice was full of raw emotions that JJ wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be fine – but she didn’t know that. The profiler stopped walking and looked at the blonde beside her, she didn’t hide her emotions. “And I’m not sure I’m happy that you’re going.”

“It’s not my first time on a raid, Emily,” JJ said calmly. She took Emily’s hand and was a little surprised at how cold it was. “I can take care of myself. I promise,” she tried to reassure her.

Emily gave her a small smile. They walked in silence. Emily chose the first car and she climbed to the back seat, followed by JJ. Hotch was behind the wheel. He, too, looked serious. “Where’s Rossi?” Emily asked. It was a bit unusual that the senior agent didn’t ride with Hotch.

“He left already with Detective Landon,” Hotch said. “They promised to wait for backup.” The unit chief said it lightly, almost without thinking. Then he remembered and mentally smacked himself for saying it. He glanced at Emily and was a bit relieved to see the woman didn’t seem to listen to him. But JJ’s glare sent a chill down his spine. He nodded apologetically and received a small nod in reply.

***

Place:  Rodgers’ barn

Maeghan was thirsty. She was hungry, too, but she needed water the most. She glanced around tiredly. It was too dark to see anything. Her body ached so much she couldn’t move even if she wanted to. She cried too much and now she lost her voice. She couldn’t say a word louder than a whisper. She closed her eyes again, trying to stop thinking of her family. Every time she remembered she would cry and Alex would bang on the door angrily. She was afraid of the man and she shuddered involuntarily when she remembered the beating.

Flash back:

“Where are we?” Maeghan asked as the car stopped in front of a battered building. She got off the car and waited for Alex. She was so happy to see the man again. He was her favorite sitter back when she was little. “Is this your home?”

Alex didn’t reply. He looked at Maeghan with a weird look. “How old are you now, Mags?” He asked, as he led her inside the house. “Eleven? Twelve?”

“Huh? I’m ten. You forget?” Maeghan replied, looking around the house with curiosity only a child would own. She raised her left arm; a silver bracelet circled her wrist. “My Grandma gave it to me last January, on my birthday,” she announced proudly. The little girl didn’t see the stairs in front of her, didn’t see it coming – a blow that sent her tumbling down the stairs into the darkness.

Maeghan gasped. She forced herself to open her eyes. She bit her lower lip till it bled to stop a scream from escaping. Towering in front of her was Alex; eyes filled with fury. The man held a baseball bat in his hand.

“What did I say about not saying a word, Maeghan?” he hissed.

Maeghan shook her head, trying her best not to speak. She mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again, without really making a sound. Somehow in her fear she could force her body to move away from the man. As he was reaching to grab her, she heard a loud bang somewhere upstairs.

Alex stopped dead in his track. He squatted and put a finger on his mouth. “Not a word,” he whispered threateningly. He walked out of the room and locked it again.

***

“Alex Rodgers? Alex Rodgers! Open the door!” Hotch yelled at the front door.

Everyone was at their position: JJ and Morgan circling the barn with some locals, Emily and Reid were at the back door; Hotch and Rossi were at the front door.

“Hotch, the back door isn’t locked,” Emily whispered to her comm.

“Don’t even think about it,” Hotch replied. He banged at the door again. “Alex Rodgers, FBI! Open the door!”

When nobody answered, Hotch sent them an order, “On three... one, two...”

Emily opened the door before Hotch even got to ‘two’. Reid followed closely behind her. They walked as discreetly as possible. “He’s got to be somewhere around...”

“Emily, look out!” Reid cried as he saw a baseball bat swung towards his friend. He pulled Emily by the back of her Kevlar but he wasn’t fast enough. She was hit on the arm. Both of them fell and a tall figure ran past them.

Hotch cursed when he heard Reid’s voice. Everyone rushed inside and they saw Emily and Reid on the floor. Reid was holding Emily’s arm. “He’s running away!” He shouted, pointing at the back door.

Hotch squatted next to Emily. “You hurt?” he asked as everyone else ran through the back door. Emily nodded, motioning him to chase the Unsub. Hotch didn’t look sure, but he went away anyway.

“Reid, we have to look for Maeghan!” Emily said. The pain on her arm was blinding her; she was sure it was broken but it was not her priority now. She asked Reid to help her stand up. They looked around the house separately. Reid went upstairs and Emily stayed on the first floor. She spotted a door to the basement and she told Reid she was going downstairs. Emily walked slowly. “Maeghan?” She called. “Maeghan Wilson?”

Maeghan didn’t reply when she heard a female voice calling for her. She was scared. What if it was the ‘Jackie’ that Alex kept mentioning earlier? What if the woman was going to hurt her more? She curled up against the wall, trying to make herself as small as possible.

Emily raised her flash light with her uninjured hand. “Maeghan Wilson, can you hear me? It’s FBI,” the brunette repeated. She flashed the flash light to the corners and saw nothing. “Maeghan?!” She sighed desperately. Emily almost walked back upstairs when she heard a small voice somewhere in the basement. Again she flashed her light but saw nothing. She frowned. “Maeghan? Is that you?”

The little girl was relieved when she heard the word ‘FBI’. She wasn’t stupid. “I’m down here,” She tried to scream with her hoarse voice. Her throat was hurting her as she spoke, but if it was her chance to go home; then let it be hurt forever. “I’m down here,” She sobbed now.

The brunette didn’t realize that she was standing on a door. She stumbled on the handle and cursed. No wonder she couldn’t find anything but walls in the room. The prison was inside the floor. “A storm cellar in the basement, how twisted is that?” She asked herself. The woman looked everywhere for the key and, finally losing her patience, shot the lock with her gun. She heard a scream down there and she said, “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m just trying to open it!”

Maeghan didn’t move when the door was opened. She didn’t move when a tall woman climbed down the stairs into the small room. The woman held her flash light up in order not to hurt her sensitive eyes. She flinched when the woman squatted in front of her.

“Hey,” Emily whispered. “I was looking for you.” She held out her hand, waiting for the little girl to accept it. “You’re safe now, Maggie.”

Something broke inside her. Maeghan reached out to Emily and cried. She clung to the woman, who patiently stroked her back and sat with her on the dirty floor. “I want to go home. I want to go home...” She said over and over again.

“It’s okay, honey. Let it out. You’re okay now,” Emily whispered softly. She knew she should take the kid out of that room. But with her injured arm, it would be a stupid idea to carry an injured child upstairs. So she waited. The other would notice the door she left ajar in the kitchen.

It was less than ten minutes before Hotch and Morgan found Emily down in the storm cellar with a sleeping Maeghan. They smiled in relieved. Hotch carried the child upstairs, and Morgan helped Emily.

The dark man explained everything that was to know as he half dragging Emily out of the cellar. One of the local shot Rodgers on the head, saying that he was aiming for his leg. Morgan laughed openly when Emily rolled her eyes. He was glad that Emily was fine. He was glad that Maeghan was fine.

“Em,” JJ ran towards them when she saw them. “I’ve got her, Morgan,” She said. Morgan let the blonde take over. He walked back to the house to help Reid.

“I’m okay, JJ. I can walk,” Emily said. JJ was too close.

“I know. I just need a reason to hold you,” JJ replied. When Hotch told her that Emily was injured she felt as if she was going to faint. She couldn’t help but thinking about the Cyrus case, when Emily was badly beaten. “Let’s get you home, Sweetie.” She said, not realizing the use of the endearment term.

Emily nodded. She let the medics took her into the ambulance and gave her a shot. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the deep slumber.

***

A week later...

“Hotch, do you have a minute?” Emily popped her head in Hotch’s office. She still wore a sling to support her broken arm and she didn’t like it. She kept telling her doctors to just take off the cast because it made her look stupid but the doctors were adamant to keep it for at least three weeks.

The unit chief raised his head from the case report he was reviewing. He stood up and motioned her agent to come in. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to have a two-week leave.”

“Yeah,” Emily replied. She looked nervous. She felt nervous. She had spent her time thinking and she was tired of just doing it. “I need to talk to you about something,” she said.

Hotch frowned, sensing that he would not like what Emily was going to say. And he was right. Emily didn’t say anything. She took an envelope out of her back pocket and put the thing on the table, in front of him. “What’s this?” He said, playing dumb.

“My resignation letter,” Emily answered. “I decided to leave the BAU.”

“May I ask why?” Hotch asked seriously. “Is it because of what happened in the last case? Emily, it was a mistake that I...”

Emily interrupted, “No, Hotch. It wasn’t a mistake. I endangered the team by acting so recklessly. I compromised the case. But that’s not the main reason why I decided to leave.” She took a deep breath. She knew it wasn’t easy. Hotch would want to know. And he really deserved to know, if only Emily knew how to tell him. “It’s personal.”

“Enlighten me,” Hotch challenged. He didn’t want to lose another member for a ‘personal’ reason again. Not after what happened to Elle and Gideon. He failed to understand Elle. He failed to give support to Gideon. He would not let himself make the same mistake again. “Even if it will take days for me to understand, I will try.”

The brunette looked straight to Hotch’s eyes. She sighed. She knew Hotch was serious. But how do you tell your boss that you’re in love with your engaged colleague? How do you tell your boss that you made your colleague confused about her sexuality? There were no words in the world that could describe it. She took another deep breath. “I fell in love with one of the team members,” There she said it. “And I have that person confused about loving me back.”

The man didn’t expect that kind of answers but he managed to keep his expression straight. “Emily, I know we have rules about inter-office relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t happen,” he explained. “I’m sure if he loves you back we can do something about it.”

“Hotch,” Emily called. When the unit chief looked at her nervously, she added, “Who said anything about a ‘he’?”

Hotch didn’t reply. He couldn’t. He stared blankly, completely taken aback, by Emily’s question. “Oh,” Was his only reply.

Emily smirked. She stood up. “I’m glad I am given a chance to work with you and the team, Sir.” She said. She opened the door and gasped to see JJ standing behind the door.

JJ beamed. She didn’t expect to see Emily so soon. She had been busy with the case reports after they got back and she was busy straightening everything up with Will and herself. “Emily!” She said. “What are you doing here?” She peered inside and when she looked at Hotch’s expression and an unopened envelope on his desk, her expression changed. She knew.

Emily excused herself before JJ could say another word. When a week went by without so much of a call from the blonde, she took the hint that JJ was back with her fiancé. That what she had said and done during their case was a moment of insanity, a false hope made by the stress.

“Emily, stop!” JJ ran after her. She blocked Emily’s way before the older woman left the bullpen. Pairs of eyes were looking at them, but that was the last thing JJ cared about. She knew it was probably wrong for her not to try to contact Emily for a whole week. But she needed the time to think. “My office, now!” she commanded angrily. When Emily didn’t budge, she whispered with gritted teeth, “You promised.”

And a promise was a promise. Emily sighed. She followed JJ to her office.

“Love is a torment of the mind, a tempest everlasting.”

-Samuel Daniels-